INCEPTION

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So on MAY 17, 2011 I graduated from HIGH SCHOOL which means I am officially college bound. Ironically it was also my father's 50th birthday but that was unfortunately overshadowed by my milestone. On the upside, he never remembers his birthday anyway and he still looks like he's 40 which means I am destined to age slowly (crossing my fingers for no wrinkles since gray hairs do not run in my family). That's right forget the crap about embracing age and the nature that comes with it (poor eyesight, aching bones, foggy memory etc), i want to be youthful or semi-youthful forever!

"Reaction"/"Time will Tell"

So by the title "Time will Tell" you can guess the "Reaction" was good. right?And if you guessed that, then you're right. So to refresh your memory, on the last post I said that I was going to confront Martin with that short speech that I had jotted down. But after I posted that blog post, I called one of my besties which led to a change of plans. This bestie who is a gay guy by the way speaks German and lived in Germany for like two months. So i called him up and told him about my dilemma and read him my speech.

He hated the speech. His idea was to be cute by calling Martin aside and pulling the speech out. and then crumpling it out and saying "forget the speech, I like you, you like me, what are going to do about it?" which I liked but was too daring for me. So we decided on me telling Martin that I like him in German which my friend wasn't sure if it was "ich mach dich" or "ich mach deer". I decided on Ich mach dich. And so that was my plan which got me so anxious that I could barely sleep that night.

So I woke up around 11:00 which is an hour and 40 minutes before I start my bike ride to the museum. So I  ate some toast and at 11:30 I was so anxious to get there early that I decided to leave 10 minutes ahead of time. But the day did not start off well, while I was distracted watching a car coming towards me on an intersection , I forgot to jump a curb and fell miserably which led me scraping my knee(I heard someone laughing at me which only furthered my humiliation). But I am a fighter so I got back up wiped the blood off with my hands and kept riding. So i got there at like 12:45 and check on the sign in sheet for Martin but it seems like Martin hasn't come in yet. So i stumble to the bathroom and clean up. I am lucky to get a band-aid from the front desk.

So I go to my classroom and wait for Martin who shows up minutes later. So for the whole class we only have 2 people show up so it's a very slow and non-demanding day. So we get to talk alot and when all the students leave , we have 10 minutes left on the clock so we decide to go outside and "get some sun". So fortunately he asks for my number and shortly we go back inside to check out. So when we are at the basement where I leave mybike I asks him what he's doing after and he says that he is just going to check out some hedges that he needs to trim(he can't get a normal job  because of the whole visa-work permit thing) which I find pretty impressive. But obviously my plans were to have sort of a heart to heart.

So I aks him what time he has to be there and he says he just told his customers that he'd be there whenever. So I tell him that I was planning to go to the park again and he could come if he wanted. To which he says "Okay, I'll come but I don't want to run after you" to which I say "don't worry, I'll ride slow"(because of the whole bike, walking thing). So I ride slow while he walks beside me and we head towards the park. After walking past the ducks and swings. We come towards a swing bench like the one below. And he says "so where did you plan to go" and I say pointing to the swing "here is fine". So we sit down and I comment on how I wish the view was better because the pond/lake has weeds everywhere and is terribly dirty. And after we contine commenting on the view. There is awkward silence.

Image by edfinn via Flickr

So i decide to confess my earlier plans to confront him. So i say
" you know you ruined my plans for today"
"how is that?"
"because i planned to confront what is happening between us. I was wondering why you hadn't asked my number and my friend told me maybe you expected you to ask for your number. But I wasn't going to ask for your number. I was just going to ask you what your explanation was for what was happening and what your intentions were."


I don't remember what happened after this. I remember he avoided telling me his explanation and Intentions and we continued talking. We talked about everything from our plans for our careers, life,our schools, and our countries.
So I needed to be home before dark #1 because it's scary to ride a bike at night and #2 because we were leaving for Texas for a wedding that night. So at I believe 6:00 we walked towards the Museum parking lot but since the sidewalk that leads to the road that I ride on was right by the bridge leading to the park from the museum, I told himthat this was my spot(which seemed to catch him offguard-maybe i threw him off course of what he planned to do at the end). So there was this awkward moment where I am on my bike and he's standing and ww are looking at each other. So to break the ice, I say "so..I am not really good at hugs but.." So we  hug and his phone starts ringing,and so we stop and say our goodbyes.

So I ride my bike ever so carefully and when I get home, there is chaos trying to pack and everything. Butt continuing with the story of Martin. On Saturday, the day of the wedding he texted me and I texted him until the wedding was about to start. Later on Sunday when we were on our way back to Alabama we texted until my phone battery died. When I got home at like 10:00. I texted him "I don't remember what we were talking about. But my battery died. Anyway I'm back home now so. I hope you're not asleep. If u r then-sweet dreams". He wasn't asleep, so we kept texting until there was lights out at his running camp which he is at until Thursday of this week.

Send me that Love part 3.

So I think this week I was supposed to talk about interracial relationships and what has happened with Martin thus far. Well, the funny thing is that my African American friend and I just happened to be talking about this last week and so it should be fresh on my mind. So the question was: why are there not more interracial relationships; why are people so scared? Well I think people are usually not against interracial dating themselves but are usually afraid to engage in it because of what other people will think-whether it be friends, family, or suspicious onlookers in the street. Personally, I feel open towards interracial dating-obviously; however, my plan is to try to find someone within the kenyan community first before I venture outside. Which in my case there aren't any Kenyan boys my age where I live and so I venture out of my race bubble. However, what is weird is that although I knew this would happen and will happen- most Kenyan women in foreign countries marry white men-I still would rather find an African guy-preferably Kenyan. I mean, when I daydream about my future I never see a white husband but then again do i see a husband in the picture(i'll try to remember the next time i daydream). I think interracial relationships are not so abundant because of history. Black women don't want to marry white men because years ago they were raped and enslaved by them- so would be marrying a white man enslaving themselves? is what they wonder. However, as I said to Martin when we were talking on facebook chat, "History is History" and considering the fact that he's German which is equated with Natzi-take over the world schemes and kill non-whites, i am not surprised he agrees with me. So Martin and I are still in the flirting stage which I which I could get out of because I hate wasting my time when it is avoidable. So, Friday we were both in the same classroom again and the deep stares into each others eyes just went on and on. However, throughout the whole thing I was afraid that one of us would get moved to another class and then of course our chance would be blown. Which did almost happen the 1st time it was because the administrator wanted another volunteer in the 5-7 room and she asked me first and i begged for her not to send me in that room because the kids are so young and crazy and last time i did not have a good time due to being on restroom duty. So she asked the other volunteer as Martin remained quiet and he volunteered to go. So now it was even better cause it was just me and him. But not so fast, the administrator kept pulliing him out of the class for him to do stuff for her. And then i volunteered to be pulled out to do stuff for her (to make him miss me like i missed him when he was gone) which meant i missed the whole museum tour to view all the art with the kids. And then when i did finish my work and catch up with them, some girl busted her toe and I had to take her to clean it up. And then we were back in the classroom and ready to leave. So as usual we walk to the sign out area and head downstairs. And when we are parting I say "see you monday, that is if i am there" to which he says " you better be there" and I say "I'll try". So obviously today is Monday and I am going to be there. My only fear is that we are not assigned to the same room which means today will be wasted as a me and him day. So next time I will post what happened. P.S.: this song is off the chain by CLD, Raz, Film C, Chikuzee & OHZY – So Nice (click link). I think i like it b/c it mentions OREO-which is sometimes what they call interracial couples in the U.S. b/c they're black on outside and white on inside. and of course beacause it's a awesome song.

"No Woman no Cry"

So as promised, "In the Beginning part 2". So to keep on with the Bob Marley song-blog titles this blog entry is called No Woman no Cry( let's see how long I can keep this up). So to start where we left off. My family first lived in Carbondale, IL where it wasn't so nice. It was a barren ice land as i earlier mentioned. No jobs, nothing to do. So anyway, school wasn't the best for me because I didn't make friends due to the fact I was a foreigner and people didn't like that. For example, One time I remember crying because we were supposed to be writing in "cursive" in class and since I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. The kid told the teacher "she doesn't know cursive, she's from Africa!"I had one true friend, Kyle, who wasn't very friendly in that she was a loner and instead of playing with me, she would go play by herself. But then some teachers, I guess out of pity, introduced me to these girls who I guess were forced to talk and play with me. So obviously I didn't like it here, after being separated with my best friend in the whole world and being turned into an outcast. however there was one good thing about carbondale: Charlie. Charlie was in 5tth grade and I was in 4th grade. I know Charlie isn't a cool sounding name but he was the most popular guy in school. Gorgeous. charismatic. charming. and all the girls were in love with him. He lived like 1 house away from mine and so we got off the same bus stop. I guess he was just a friendly guy or he was attracted to the gold threads and cowrie shells in my hair like most people. Anyway, he would try to talk to me about the cars passing by: Hummers, Mustangs which I knew nothing about coming from kenya where every foreign car is a Toyota. So i just never said anything or nodded my head and ran home to write on my hand: Mercy Loves Chuck. He would play American football with his friends and I would climb the tree in my backwards to watch while pretending to look at the street. He would play with my brother and watch the cars on the streets go by together( maybe the reason why my brother is so fascinated with cars) until he was almost like a second brother to my little brother, Juma. So it went on like this for a year until the last week before we moved to Alabama where I was jumping rope with his little sister(btw i am a mean jump roper) when he jumped in the rope and started jumping behind me. I could feel him breathing on my neck and I just got so nervous and tripped on the rope- i didn't fall btw. So I ran back in the house out of shame. Anyway, so during the last day of Carbondale, his sister kept hinting that Chuck liked me but obviously I was a shy girl and couldn't act on it #1 because my parents would kill me and #2 b/c of the whole Kenyan accent thing. Anyway, so i left Carbondale without ever saying goodbye to him and when during the first year in Alabama, I would kiss his picture from the yearbook at our elementary school. I don't know what happened to the picture but I still remember him clearly from his dimples to his irresistible smile. Last summer after finding the yearbook, I looked up my friend Kyle and found her on facebook. sent a brief message trying to remind her who I was but no reply. Anyway, i didn't expect one considering the fact that she has totally changed, has a lip and nose piercing, has straightened and colored her hair but even through all that, she still can't hide her striking unforgettable face. I also tried to find Chuck but no luck-he went by several aliases back in elementary school so I wont be surprised if he doesn't go by chuck or charlie anymore. But the funny thing is, even though I know that there is like 0.001% chance of me ever seeing him again, I still wonder WHAT IF: what if I saw him again, what if I hadn't moved, what if I confronted him about our feelings for each other. So, if you are reading this Chuck- i know u're not but if you are. I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart for being my first crush. P.S. when i thought of this blog, this was not the road i was thinking it would take but I think everyone likes love stories more than heart-break stories.

"In the Beginning"

So I am new to blogging. It's something that I have always thought of doing and today after reading several blogs, namely- the diary of a kenyan campus girl. I decided it's never too late or too early to start in my case. So to introduce myself, I want to remain somewhat anonymous so I will go by mercy. To explain the name of my blog- "stolen from Africa, brought to America": I took it from the lyrics of Bob Marley's Buffalo soldier. This lyric I feel applies to me in that, my family and I migrated to the U.S. when I was 9 years old and at that age I had no say so whatsoever in the decision. At the time I regretted it and continued to do so even after we moved here-mainly due to the fact that we landed in a barren icy land in the middle of nowhere-carbondale, IL.however, I have come to appreciate the decision over the years. Anyway that's too long a story to get into. So for my first post-"in the beginning"- song title by k'naan whose music i follow-, i will talk about me as a person. I would say that I am not a normal person-but who is- and not very open-hearted person, maybe somewhat self-centered person-again who isn't. So to self-analyze myself and to give you insight to maybe why I am the way I am. At 9 years old my best friend in the whole wide world, my other half, my soul mate... and I were separated. I was 9 and she was 10-i will refer to her as rose , and so she understood what was happening. I thought America is just right over there- as a kamba would say-nio va, I will still see her. But NO! I never saw her until 3 years later and only for 3 days. I talked to her on the phone from time to time but that was rare due to- time difference and school. So basically, the one person I loved most in the world and still love was ripped out of my world-and this is what i would call heartbreak. as a 9 year old, I think I took the heartbreak well-crying myself to sleep every night,hating my mother for bringing me to this wretched place-the norm. Anyway so from that experience I learned don't love and you won't get hurt. so in relationships even with my friends today- I practice apathy where no matter what they do- I am not hurt because I am numb and also becoz the only friendship i honestly value is with my family and rose who i talk to once every blue moon. so that explains my closed heart- per say. so I will get more into this story and more into me next time/week "in the beginning part 2-NO WOMAN, NO CRY.