"Reaction"/"Time will Tell"

So by the title "Time will Tell" you can guess the "Reaction" was good. right?And if you guessed that, then you're right. So to refresh your memory, on the last post I said that I was going to confront Martin with that short speech that I had jotted down. But after I posted that blog post, I called one of my besties which led to a change of plans. This bestie who is a gay guy by the way speaks German and lived in Germany for like two months. So i called him up and told him about my dilemma and read him my speech.

He hated the speech. His idea was to be cute by calling Martin aside and pulling the speech out. and then crumpling it out and saying "forget the speech, I like you, you like me, what are going to do about it?" which I liked but was too daring for me. So we decided on me telling Martin that I like him in German which my friend wasn't sure if it was "ich mach dich" or "ich mach deer". I decided on Ich mach dich. And so that was my plan which got me so anxious that I could barely sleep that night.

So I woke up around 11:00 which is an hour and 40 minutes before I start my bike ride to the museum. So I  ate some toast and at 11:30 I was so anxious to get there early that I decided to leave 10 minutes ahead of time. But the day did not start off well, while I was distracted watching a car coming towards me on an intersection , I forgot to jump a curb and fell miserably which led me scraping my knee(I heard someone laughing at me which only furthered my humiliation). But I am a fighter so I got back up wiped the blood off with my hands and kept riding. So i got there at like 12:45 and check on the sign in sheet for Martin but it seems like Martin hasn't come in yet. So i stumble to the bathroom and clean up. I am lucky to get a band-aid from the front desk.

So I go to my classroom and wait for Martin who shows up minutes later. So for the whole class we only have 2 people show up so it's a very slow and non-demanding day. So we get to talk alot and when all the students leave , we have 10 minutes left on the clock so we decide to go outside and "get some sun". So fortunately he asks for my number and shortly we go back inside to check out. So when we are at the basement where I leave mybike I asks him what he's doing after and he says that he is just going to check out some hedges that he needs to trim(he can't get a normal job  because of the whole visa-work permit thing) which I find pretty impressive. But obviously my plans were to have sort of a heart to heart.

So I aks him what time he has to be there and he says he just told his customers that he'd be there whenever. So I tell him that I was planning to go to the park again and he could come if he wanted. To which he says "Okay, I'll come but I don't want to run after you" to which I say "don't worry, I'll ride slow"(because of the whole bike, walking thing). So I ride slow while he walks beside me and we head towards the park. After walking past the ducks and swings. We come towards a swing bench like the one below. And he says "so where did you plan to go" and I say pointing to the swing "here is fine". So we sit down and I comment on how I wish the view was better because the pond/lake has weeds everywhere and is terribly dirty. And after we contine commenting on the view. There is awkward silence.

Image by edfinn via Flickr

So i decide to confess my earlier plans to confront him. So i say
" you know you ruined my plans for today"
"how is that?"
"because i planned to confront what is happening between us. I was wondering why you hadn't asked my number and my friend told me maybe you expected you to ask for your number. But I wasn't going to ask for your number. I was just going to ask you what your explanation was for what was happening and what your intentions were."


I don't remember what happened after this. I remember he avoided telling me his explanation and Intentions and we continued talking. We talked about everything from our plans for our careers, life,our schools, and our countries.
So I needed to be home before dark #1 because it's scary to ride a bike at night and #2 because we were leaving for Texas for a wedding that night. So at I believe 6:00 we walked towards the Museum parking lot but since the sidewalk that leads to the road that I ride on was right by the bridge leading to the park from the museum, I told himthat this was my spot(which seemed to catch him offguard-maybe i threw him off course of what he planned to do at the end). So there was this awkward moment where I am on my bike and he's standing and ww are looking at each other. So to break the ice, I say "so..I am not really good at hugs but.." So we  hug and his phone starts ringing,and so we stop and say our goodbyes.

So I ride my bike ever so carefully and when I get home, there is chaos trying to pack and everything. Butt continuing with the story of Martin. On Saturday, the day of the wedding he texted me and I texted him until the wedding was about to start. Later on Sunday when we were on our way back to Alabama we texted until my phone battery died. When I got home at like 10:00. I texted him "I don't remember what we were talking about. But my battery died. Anyway I'm back home now so. I hope you're not asleep. If u r then-sweet dreams". He wasn't asleep, so we kept texting until there was lights out at his running camp which he is at until Thursday of this week.

"Stiff necked fools".

So this post is sort of dedicated to the teacher I have been helping along with Martin at the Art Museum. By the way, this is not a good dedication. Not that I don't like the teacher in fact I do, let's call him Mr.Brown cause he is brown. Anyway it was something that he said that caught my attention( and not in a good way). Ok, so i am just setting up the paint station, Martin- who as i earlier mentioned is white- is out of the room at the moment and he says to me "Mercy, how is it dealing with black kids when you are so smart". So at that moment i'm like wait a second is that what i just heard from this black person. So i know he was referring to African Americans in general when he mentioned black people since we are in America. So my response was that ever since I had been living here, I have gone to school for smart people. So irregardless of race, we were all there to learn. Sure there was the bullies but mainly those bullies bullied out of jealousy of my intelligence like when I would teach the class a shortcut I had discovered for a Math question. So we went on talking where he stated "all these black children here are just lazy, don't want to use their brains". What i wanted to say was "that's a generalization and i think it's unfair to make that statement considering there are black children who work hard in school". But what i said was "true. but I usually don't surround myself with those people. I usually hang out with foreigners or children of foreigners- mainly asians". But recently, I have started hanging out with the black kids of my IB college program and these are people who are fully committed to success like me.<>. So anyway back to Mr.Brown. So we end up talking about the diversity in our schools. Martin goes to a private school-primarily white- and says that he wishes that even though he is friends with a Nigerian and Korean, he wishes there was more diversity. (which obviously I was totally impressed by) Anyway when i went home I started thinking about this more especially how one of the black ladies in charge of the black kids at the museum had asked me where I was from because I talk different-like a white person. And black people always try to mock me for not talking like them-ghetto- despite the fact that I am black. SO this led me to the revelation that race doesn't define anything except your race. It doesn't define how you walk, dress, eat, talk, laugh, drive,..anything. But why do people make it that way. Obviously it's the environment. look at Eminem for example he's a white person but raps and talks like a black ghetto person while in society he's not supposed to rap or talk like that. But where(environment) Eminem came from people rapped and talked like that and now so does he. So i am sick and tired of these people who look at you and put you in a box. "OH, you're black- go into the black box where you behave this way". But many people don't fit into those boxes. Like me for example. Like why would someone expect me to speak like an AFrican AMerican when I AM AFRICAN! It annoys me. I spoke British English before I got here, not ghetto English. And when i started to live here, I didn't move into the ghetto and I didn't go to a ghetto school and I didn't associate with ghetto people. So why in the hell do people expect me to speak ghetto. Because of the color of my skin. Honestly, those stiff necked fools can go to hell. So if you're planning to come to America at some point you should be ready for this discrimination mainly by the blacks themselves. p.s.I know there have been problems with commenting. It should be at the top of this post where it says the amount of comments. 

Send me that Love part 3.

So I think this week I was supposed to talk about interracial relationships and what has happened with Martin thus far. Well, the funny thing is that my African American friend and I just happened to be talking about this last week and so it should be fresh on my mind. So the question was: why are there not more interracial relationships; why are people so scared? Well I think people are usually not against interracial dating themselves but are usually afraid to engage in it because of what other people will think-whether it be friends, family, or suspicious onlookers in the street. Personally, I feel open towards interracial dating-obviously; however, my plan is to try to find someone within the kenyan community first before I venture outside. Which in my case there aren't any Kenyan boys my age where I live and so I venture out of my race bubble. However, what is weird is that although I knew this would happen and will happen- most Kenyan women in foreign countries marry white men-I still would rather find an African guy-preferably Kenyan. I mean, when I daydream about my future I never see a white husband but then again do i see a husband in the picture(i'll try to remember the next time i daydream). I think interracial relationships are not so abundant because of history. Black women don't want to marry white men because years ago they were raped and enslaved by them- so would be marrying a white man enslaving themselves? is what they wonder. However, as I said to Martin when we were talking on facebook chat, "History is History" and considering the fact that he's German which is equated with Natzi-take over the world schemes and kill non-whites, i am not surprised he agrees with me. So Martin and I are still in the flirting stage which I which I could get out of because I hate wasting my time when it is avoidable. So, Friday we were both in the same classroom again and the deep stares into each others eyes just went on and on. However, throughout the whole thing I was afraid that one of us would get moved to another class and then of course our chance would be blown. Which did almost happen the 1st time it was because the administrator wanted another volunteer in the 5-7 room and she asked me first and i begged for her not to send me in that room because the kids are so young and crazy and last time i did not have a good time due to being on restroom duty. So she asked the other volunteer as Martin remained quiet and he volunteered to go. So now it was even better cause it was just me and him. But not so fast, the administrator kept pulliing him out of the class for him to do stuff for her. And then i volunteered to be pulled out to do stuff for her (to make him miss me like i missed him when he was gone) which meant i missed the whole museum tour to view all the art with the kids. And then when i did finish my work and catch up with them, some girl busted her toe and I had to take her to clean it up. And then we were back in the classroom and ready to leave. So as usual we walk to the sign out area and head downstairs. And when we are parting I say "see you monday, that is if i am there" to which he says " you better be there" and I say "I'll try". So obviously today is Monday and I am going to be there. My only fear is that we are not assigned to the same room which means today will be wasted as a me and him day. So next time I will post what happened. P.S.: this song is off the chain by CLD, Raz, Film C, Chikuzee & OHZY – So Nice (click link). I think i like it b/c it mentions OREO-which is sometimes what they call interracial couples in the U.S. b/c they're black on outside and white on inside. and of course beacause it's a awesome song.

"Send me that love" part 1

So this week has been a crazy week due to my mad volunteering that is required for me to get a diploma. I have been volunteering at an art museum and like science exhibit place working with the children in their summer camps. So I never met any good loooking guys at either of them and i assumed it was because of the fact that all hot guys are lazy, vain, and wouldn't think of helping others. But I was wrong. There's this new guy-lets call him Martin- and well he might not be like a male runway model but he's nice looking. Just so you know, he's from Germany which means caucausian, white etc.- I guess i'll touch on this subject later. Well anyway, the first day he was there he was just looking at some art and I pointed to the one next to it and told him my friend did that-(the person whom i consider my best american friend is a beast artist). Anyway, the second day he was assigned to the same classroom at me and I didn't think much of him. But throughout the day he would like give me these looks-maybe flirty-not overly flirty since a room full of kids and a teacher isn't the best flirting setting. Anyway on that day I had commented that I am from Kenya and he didn't say anything which i thought was weird b/c when I tell people where i am from, i end up being bombarded with questions. So day #2-wednesday, some kid was drawing like the emblem of an american football team and the teacher commented that he wasn't that into football which led Martin to say me neither. This schocked me b/c at the time I assumed this is a white guy from the South and these Southern guys love their american football. And so suprised i said "really, why is that?", Martin- "I just didn't grow up with it", me-"oh, so where did u grow up?", Martin- "Germany", me-" wow thats cool, i didn't grow up with football either in kenya, i grew up with the other kind of football" which led to him stating that he wasn't really into either football and that he ran crosscrountry which I am going to do this year. So i guess we bonded on those similarities of being foreigners and runners, maybe more him than me. But that's normal for me since when it comes to guys, I am always the one who loves less. Anyway, I was supposed to leave early at 4:45 to go to crosscountry practice but I guess our conversation was going so well I decided to just be late. On our way out he asked me if I was working the next day and so I thought that was a big hint that he definitely liked me since if he didn't, why would he care. Today we ended up talking a lot more about our college plans, favorite subjects, our countries' weathers and seasons. His affinity for waking up early in the morning mine for sleeping in late. But overall I think our relations at this point has been characterized by this comfortable silence - b/c silence isn't necessarily a bad thing, to me it means u're comfortble enough wit a person that you don't have to say anything to each other to enjoy each other's presence- and a lot of SMILES at each other. But honestly as far as I am concerned he doesn't have the physical characteristics that i like-tall. Although, he does have these beautiful green ways that I just want to swim in. But character wise i think he might be what i am looking for-nice, caring, responsible etc.However, his humor is def. not on point, he may just be trying too hard at his own expense but at least he's trying. Tomorrow's friday, so the last day to volunteer this week and I am interested to see what happens, what I am wondering is- why doesn't he just ask for my #. But although on his 1st day he said he was only volunteering this week, he says he will be there next week-maybe his mind was changed by a special someone-idk? but anyway if he's going to set something up, he needs to hurry up and do it. on "send me that love" part 2 i will explain the title-its deeper than it seems and on the post after I will inform you on what happened.