INCEPTION

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So on MAY 17, 2011 I graduated from HIGH SCHOOL which means I am officially college bound. Ironically it was also my father's 50th birthday but that was unfortunately overshadowed by my milestone. On the upside, he never remembers his birthday anyway and he still looks like he's 40 which means I am destined to age slowly (crossing my fingers for no wrinkles since gray hairs do not run in my family). That's right forget the crap about embracing age and the nature that comes with it (poor eyesight, aching bones, foggy memory etc), i want to be youthful or semi-youthful forever!

Epiphany

So here it's 2:25 A.M. and it just dawned on me why I have abandoned, deserted etc. this blog. Well, I have always been a private person not only hiding things from others but most importantly hiding things from myself. This blog and all blogs remind me of journals where a person writes down their private thoughts, for some weird reason such as being an attention whore etc. So I realized this is my problem since the first time I had a diary. I would end up reading my journal entries for the previous year and antagonize myself wondering WTH had overcome me to write such stupidity and be preoccupied with such nonsense.

And this is the feeling I get when I look at this blog. It's almost a year since I started this thing and I feel haunted by these memories that have been made concrete on these virtual walls. Like I did to my past diary, I want to rip out these virtual pages and start over. Maybe to something that wiill distract me instead of cause me so much headache. So i've decided in my future post I will try to refrain from speaking about my personal issues and instead concentrate on what I set out to do: teach Kenyans in Kenya what American life is really about. So in the future expect to see blogs about the culture of fast cars, unhealthy food, race relations, traveling, dollars, Americanized Kenyans, and college life. I promise to post an obligatory blog in April when my college decisions are final. Until next time, cheerio!
 
-Mercy <3
Books I am in love with: In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez
Music I am in love with: Going in circles by Jasmine Sullivan

Jamming

So, over the past month or since I last blogged. Sorry, i've been busy with International Baccalaureate Projects and of course college essays! wooo! I love college and I haven't even finished high school. Anyway, as you can tell from the title of the blog spot, due to demanding school work, I have been listening to alot of music. Raggae-TOK, Gyptian, of course Bob. RnB- Chrisette Mischele, James Blunt, Bruno Mars, No doubt. etc. So in essence, i've been jamming.
From most of these songs, I've realized how relationships suck! and I love my independence. This has also been as a result of the extensive time I've been spending with my best friend. We are super close now like Cognac and Hennesy- those are in fact our names for each other. We even have an amazing secret handshake and we pretty do much everything together. We take the horrible chemistry together- where we have enjoyed ice cream made out of liquid nitrogen. Bitched and moaned about guys together. Gone on "girl" dates together- actually yesterday we went to see improv comedy.
To make the story more interesting, I was the one who suggested going to see improv comedy because from my earlier posts I said on our second date Martin and I were supposed to go to see the improv comedy show of that month but I declined due to school work and we split ways after that. So i suggested we go because #1 i always wanted to see what I was missing out on and #2 to get closure from the Martin thing. So we went to the show yesterday after almost killing ourselves driving trying to find the place due to horrible directions from someone. And although we had an awesome time, Martin was not there. So, I was totally disappointed because the whole week when I was anticipating for Friday to come I kept thinking, I am so over this guy  that even if he asked me to try to be together again. I would decline.
Why? #1 I always think in the back of my head that he primarily dated me because I am black and these Germans when they come to the U.S. they like to brag to Germans back home that they've been with a Black girl. #2 because he was very shy and kind of boring- and I am not attracted to that and I wasn't initially attracted to him #3 I don't think I could date a white guy cause their taste in Music is horrible unless they smoke weed which I can't deal with either. #4, he was not as tall as I would go for. #5 I don't like how demanding relationships are.
So i plan to be single until I meet someone who makes me laugh endlessly, who I can enjoy music with, whose intelligence compares to mine. and who embraces other cultures. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so. Until then in the words of Natasha Bedingfield "I am single!! and that's how I want to be!"
oops! i forgot to review the improv Comedy. it was alright. nothing I would pay for unless I was extremely bored. the guys are really talented but most of their jokes fly past my head cause they are based of pop culture from like the 90s when they were teenagers. plus, it's based on the comedy of "Who's line is it anyway?" which is a show I never enjoyed watching. Personally, i prefer practiced reheaarsed standup comedy. If you know some good places in Kenya for that. hit me up.

Hallelujah!

So today was sectionals for our cross country team. where we compete to run for State championships. And so, I was extremely nervous because I felt I had tons of pressure because our coach had done the math and in order for us to win 1st place, the #5 runnner(moi) needed to come in top 13th. So the course is a horrible course and I am completely bored by it at this point since we've had like 5 meets there. Anyway, so my brother and his friend came for moral support which i felt would push me to do better.

So it was 1, 2, 3, gun shot. and i was off. I was in the top 15 at the beginning and I ran way faster than I have ran before but in the middle of the race I felt like giving up. Keep in mind it's like 60 degree weather running with cold air going into your lungs. I started getting stitches in my rib cage( like cramps) which I always get when i don't breathe at a regular pace. So , i push myself to breath better and as i pass my coach he says "ok Mercy u're doing great, this is the spot we need, hold the spot" and so I am going crazy like I can't let this girl next to me pass me. I push and push and pass a girl from Davidson High (my brothers' school). but then some girls from some other school pass me. So i am thinking OMG! I lost the spot even though I gave it my all. 

I look up at the time recording as i pass the finish line and see 23:36. so i know that at least I beat my personal record this year of 24:36 by a whole minute. so i don't feel so bad. But then i walk by my team mate's mom and she screams at me "GOOD JOB MERCY, YOU WON IT FOR US!". And i'm like how? and she tells me that the girls who passed me were not from our division so it doesn't count against us. So i was uberexcited inside but on the outside i felt like collapsing.

So the girls were first for our division and we are going to the State Championships. I even bought a shirt so I can remember this day always.

"hypocrites"

So i realize i haven't made any new post recently but i have been really busy with managing school and cross country. Also, i haven't been motivated since no one makes any comments but w/e. so alot of interesting drama-filled things have happened to me since the last time i posted, as u can imagine since i am back in school now.

but really today i was inspired to post a blog b/c my best friend is too busy to listen to me vent about what happened today and since someone stole my phone at school, i can't call anyone else.so as i mentioned earlier, i am doing cross country which basically is we kill ourselves running 3 miles at weird locations in rain or shine.our first competition was last week and i was really happy about it since i placed 6th even though this is my first year running seriously in my entire life. However today there was so much more competition that i was only able to place #29 out of like about 100 or more girls. so i am still really happy about this. Anyway so you remember Martin, right? if you don;'t look at the previous post related to "still searching" and "send me that love". so since Martin runs cross country,his school was there. I didn't expect things to be awkward since the "breakup" was pretty much mutual and since he was the one who engaged the "breakup talk". I expected to at least for us to say "hi" and chit chat a little about how school is and w/e. anyway, i saw him a couple times prior to me running and basically i would look away anytime he got close to our tent. But i KNEW he saw me. it was obvious. again at the ceremonial awards after the race, he kept looking at me and i looked at him a couple times. finally, when he was getting his medal for being in top ten for boys, he looked straight at me for a span of like 7 seconds.I wanted to congratulate him but never got the chance and w/e.

so when i got home, i went on facebook and wrote him a message saying "just wanted to congratulate you since its the sportsmanlike thing to do and i never got to do so earlier". so after my long nap i go on to fb and see his reply which is like "thanks, i didn't see you there?how did you do?" And in my head i am like why is this dude pretending that he didn't see me when he purposely made an attempt to look at me when he was receiving a medal. one of the possibilities could be because i was hanging out with michael my friend pretty much the whole time and it seems like martin could be jealous of michael. #1 over the summer at the museum when martin and were both volunteering, he said that he didn't know my friend michael even though they have been in races competing a/g each other for two years.

so this led me to the conclusion that martin definitely has some issues. why would u lie to me that you don't know someone when you do. why would you pretend like you didn't see me when was the one who decided to end things between us. I  should be the one doing that if I wasn't over him. But i have been over him since the day he ended things with me so idk what to think about this whole thing.one of my theories is that i broke his heart. i know its weird to think that since he was the one who ended things but I think i had a lot too do with it. for example, since at the end of our first date i blurted "so..this is awkward" (refer to my earlier posts) which is probably not what he wanted to hear but it was awkard i hated the pressure of the whole first-date kiss moment. I didn't know if he was planning to kiss me or not. and i sort of accidentally implied  that i didn't want to take things further by saying "i'm really bad at goodbyes" which he might of thought meant forever. anyway, i honestly don't care what happened, there's no excuse for being a hypocrite like that. what difference does it make if you acknowledge the fact that you saw me or that you know my friend.

"still searching"

Image by Unlisted Sightings via Flickr

So.... I am still searching although saying this at the age of 17 sounds so unfitting. but correction i am not searching for "mr.right" at this point in my life i am searching for "mr.right now" which means i want nothing serious. when i go off to college the fling with that person will probably end and i am perfectly fine with that.
so to recap on how i got ffrom "Martin" to still searching, i'll remind u that on the last post i said that we never kissed on the first date which was weird and maybe i sabotaged the date by saying "this is awkward" at the moment where he would have kissed me. so the next day he did not call me which was weird because he always texts or calls me everyday which i wouldn't mind if he didn't do so just for 1 day but this was the day after our first date so i felt like something was off.

so i decided to call him the next day if he didn't call and ask him what was up and if we needed to have the "talk". the next day i wake up at 12:00 to a message from Martin saying "want to hang out at the park later" and the next one saying "to talk". And explaining that i am supposed to do  school shopping that day and  i can give him an answer after i ask my dad what time we are going school shopping. so my dad says 3:00 so i eat a snack and ride my bike to the park. i find him filling his bottle with water. i avoid eye contact and we sit on a concrete bench across from the wooden swing bench we sat on out 1st hang-out outside of the museum.
we greet and he asks me how my 4,000 word paper is coming along. I say it's coming. blah blah blah. and then to cut to the chase because i know at this point he's not worth the time since he's ending this, i say "so what was this all for?" and he says "you know because of yesterday, i was thinking that we are just friends, i don't know how you feel but i thought it would be best to tell you in person instead of being a jerk and telling you on the phone" so i say "well that's respectable, that's good". i avoid answering the question because if he feels we are just friends after all that has happened then he's not worth it plus i knew this day would come because we had very few things in common so we always ended up talking about the same things.

so to change the subject, i say "so you are going to the stand up thing right?" and he says "yes" and i say "that's good, i don't think i could have come anyway". so the conversation moves on for like 10 minutes and i want to go home because he is not worth my time anymore. so i say "well i have alot of stuff to do to day, so i have to go". then we hug awkwardly and leave. i go home call my bestie and vent telling her that i will be from now on a serial dater nothing serious maybe even just a make-out partner. no strings atttached coz i am too busy right now to even indulge myself. i have met someone new though. since i am doing cross crountry, i met this white guy with dreadlocks who seems interested in me probably due to the fact that my twists look like dreads. and it's so much with this guy because i am playinhg "hard to get"-for two reasons #1 his ex still seems to be into him and i don't want that drama #2 people say he smokes weed and as much bad boys are attractive i can't deal with drugs.

so now i will list my reasons for thinking he is interested in me and u can either agree or disagree. #1 he keeps looking at me and complimented my dreads. #2 he takes every chance he gets to talk to me like alluding to my "VARSITY MATH" t-shirt i was wearing to practice by stating that he is bad at math which sounded like he was asking for private tutoring. #3 his friends who usually don't usually talk to me are now talking to me- and from experience i know this is a sign. so he wasn't at practice on Friday so we will c how this goes this week if he shows up for practice.

"Send me that love" part-i lost count

yum!huh?

So I just came home from what? A date? with who you ask?Obama! No not really. But if you guessed Martin, then you are totally right! And am so happy it worked out cause I was so anxious like 5 minutes before he came to pick me up. There wasn't enough time to call any of my firends to give me a pep talk. So I told myself. come on Mercy, there's nothing to lose- If he doesn't like you or misbehaves then you got to watch a movie free of charge(since he was paying for the date-at least the most expensive part since I offered to pay for ice cream after the movie).


So to narrate the date to you. He shows up at my house at 6:00 or at least my driveway at 6:00 since technically I shouldn't be dating-youu know how Kenyan parents are. So I walk out of my house in my blue skirt and blue-checkered shirt, and my natural hair tied back in a ponytail. I am scared that he'll freak and ask what happened to your hair since the last time he saw me I had long brunette braids. But he doesn't. I find him standing outside his car waiting for me and I hug him while asking if he had trouble finding the place. He replies "No" and explains that his cross country team runs around my area, so..wasn't hard.
So we talk about Covert Affairs and Psych which are popular shows right now in the U.S.
We arrive at the movies at 6:30 and then he buys the tickets and we walk in. *mistake he made-not opening the door 4 me but it's probably bc I didn't give him a chance.
So we are walking to the theatre room we are supposed to go to . to see Inception and on our way some black dude pops out of nowhere and asks "hey man! where did you get those shoes from" Martin replies "Shoestation" "Ok thank you, man! I've been wantin shoes like that".
And we just burst out laughing cause that was just totally uncalled for. So we walk into the theatre. me in the lead and I lead him to the seats all the way at the top/back cause you want privacy right? (especially for make out sessions if there are any). So he asks "do you always sit at the back" and i say "yes"-although I really don't , I usually sit at the middle with my brothers. He says "oh ok. I usually sit at the middle".

So we watch the previews for upcoming movies while waiting for our movie to start which leads to awkward silence and laughs. The movie starts and we are like so into it. cause if you haven't heard INCEPTION is a mind blowing movie. We don't even talk except for the occasional "that's so cool" from him and the "yeah it is" from me. So we finish the movie. He walks infront and fast considering the fact that my thighs are so sore from running 5 miles yesterday. Anway, he opens the door this time and we leave to go eat ice cream across the street. So when we get to Marble Slab Creamery, he apparently is really full and isn't in the mood for ice cream-which i am like who is never in the mood for ice cream ( I was thinking maybe he just didn't want me to spend money on him cause he might look like a total douche bag in front of all the workers and customers). So I order my rocky road which is made of -walnuts, chocolate chips, chocolate ice cream and marshmallows.  While waiting for the workers to mix it up, I ask" so what did you eat that made you so full"
"a panini"
"a panini? that shouldn't make you so full"
"it was a really big panini-cause i made it at home"
"okay if you say so"
So i get my rocky road pay the $5 and we go sit all the way at the end since I hate people staring at me. So we talk about my so-called allergies to nuts which I'll explain later. And then my real allergy to red ants.Christmas in the Summer in Kenya. White christmas in Germany. locker situations at our school.And of course how cool the movie was and how I don't dream anymore for some strange reason.