Monday, July 12, 2010

"Waiting in Vain"

So just got inspired to write this blog after having another argument with my dad. So the title "waiting in vain" in relation to this blog post is I don't want to want in vain for my dad change when I know it's definitely not gonna happen. So b4 you start judging my Dad and me, you should have some background history. My dad and I were very close while growing up. He was my favorite ( even tho i was smart enough not to tell mom that) because I am like him: good at math, science, stubborn. But then I hit puberty, our solid relationship started crumbling I would say in the 9th grade/10th grade and nearing flat-lining 11th grade/ last year. This is because as i have grown up I started to disagree with him on a lot of things and also to be rebellious b/c i don't like control-that's just me. So the arguments are usually about simple things like him thinking he knows me but he doesn't. MERCY you're so mean to your friends, I hope you don't talk to people like that. ME and my friends talk jokingly mean to each other sometimes- like me about their snoring, them about my clumsiness. So mainly it's him being nosy and not minding his own business. The big fight this year was about my decision not to take the ACT-(equivalent of K.C.P.E in kenya) without writing. My theory was that I was saving money because this was my second time to take it and the previous time I had taken it, my writing score was nearly perfect. In my mind this would not be my last time to take the ACT b/c it would be a stepping stone to the score I really wanted to get. I never told him about this decision b/c well it's my decision,my life,and not life/death decision. So the day of the exam, i told my mom about the fact that i was not taking the writing part and she understood or pretended to. So anyway after they pick me up from taking the test, i find myself being yelled at, being insulted, and being accused of being possessed by the devil(mom). I tell my dad he doesn't understand-which is true- b/c obviously he doesn't want to understand my reasons. Sure they were right that most colleges don't take the ACT w/o writing score but this is not the score I want them to take anyway!!. So at that point my dad says that I have insulted him and that he will have nothing to do with me from them on-which he did for 2 weeks until he broke-yes that's right not me but him. So today, he was asking me about my volunteering shifts, I had just come from working 9 hrs straight from little sleep and so he asks me "so will you be working all day the whole week". And i say "no i am gonna stop with the double shift Wednesday coz i can't do this anymore". To which he says something along the lines of "so tomorrow you will be working only in the afternoon" and I say "NO! I AM DOING DOUBLE SHIFT UNTIL WEDNESDAY!". which he then brings up the broken record: "You can't talk to me that way! i am not your age mate!...blah blah blah. Well I can admit I do get attitude with him sometimes but only when he asks stupid questions or nag me about things that are under my control. So right now I am waiting in vain wondering when will this cycle end. My mom tells me to copy my older brother who learned the secret: agree with him no matter what and avoid him as much as possible. But this is not so easy for me b/c #1 i love to argue for what i believe, #2, that's surrendering, #3, i have to rely financially on him and my mom. so, can't really break ties without suffering. I am going to try my brother's approach this week and fill you in on what happens. But i already have a strong feeling that this is not gonna work.

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Thanks for your input.