Thursday, July 15, 2010
"send me that love" part 2
So i pledged to explain the title on part 1. Well continuing with precedent, it is a Bob Marley song and i thought it best fitted the blog because of my mentality when it comes to love. I think due to past experiences(read "in the beginning") I try to guard my heart from heartbreak. For example, I prefer to enter relationships with people who I know I will enjoy their company, who will treat me right but where it is assured that the relationship will have to end. Like for example, earlier this summer, this guy-Paul- and I were really hitting it off-he enjoyed talking- him more than I. And although I knew this guy wasn't the one, I liked the idea of a relationship with him b/c its future was predicted due to the fact that he would be leaving for college in September. Either way, things didn't work out but history has repeated itself with Martin. What appeals to me about this guy is that he's good boyfriend material and he would be indispensable in senior year with all these senior dances that we have to go to w/t a date. But the main thing is that I know it will end and probably how it will end since he plans to go to Germany for college and me to Boston. So personally, it seems to me (i am the only one finding it funny how i try to be my own psychiatrist) that I like relationships that have a guarantee and that are predictable b/c there is less chance for heartbreak. I don't like to be in a relationship with a guy i truly and fully like where I am imagine him as the one because I would want the relationship to last and if it didn't, I would be heartbroken yet again. I am thinking I will stop this cycle in college because well heartbreak is a part of college and life and sooner or later we must experience it. Also, it would be easier to rebound from a breakup un college than in high school b/c there are eligible guys everywhere in college as opposed to the 15 guys i see everyday for my IB school program out of the 2500 ppl that go to my school. and #2 i don't want the distractions that are accompanied by heartbreak during this year when I have to get my test scores right so that i can get into the colleges i want to go to. However, when I imagine my life some 10 years from now I imagine having a husband that loves me as much as i love him. And so I hope that God "sends me that love" someday maybe not now, if he hasn't already(Martin & others). so next post, i will talk about what happened between me and martin.