$$$ MONEY MONEY MONEY $$$

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY….money. How many things have you done purely for the love of money?  If you answer honestly, money probably rules the majority of our life choices-what you do, what you buy, what you invest in life, etc. We’re all in a relationship with money and most of us are in an abusive one. Simply stated, money is the pimp of life. It forces us to do things we don’t want to do-get up in the morning,  brush your teeth, and get ready for a job that you probably don’t like. But despite how abusive the relationship is, we always go back to it. Like the battered wife, we make excuses for money- ‘Oh but he buys me x,y, and z’ or ‘he takes care of the kids’- and hang on to the hope that the relationship will change one day. But deep down inside we know that money will never change. Money will always be money. 

If we want the relationship to be different, we must change.If we don’t want to be slaves, we must use money against itself  and buy our freedom from it-from the debt and more importantly from the dependence on a 9-5 job.  We have to learn to be like the greats,  the Russel Brand and the P. Diddy’s of the world, who learned how to pimp their money.  We must always have a plan- which some of us think of as a budget but the more ambitious think of as a business plan. If there’s anything my broke ass has learned from rich people is that they don’t like to spend their own money, they invest it. And we all know money is a great force to  be reckoned with so we’ll probably be more successful if we face it with a team. So how about that  squad you spend every weekend drinking with. Maybe it is time to stop digging an early grave with alcohol and start investing in a cemetery instead. Excuse my morbidity but its important that we acknowledge that how we spend our money can either kill us or make us a killing. May you have great success in the latter. 

And when y’all make it big out there, don’t forget to come back and tell us how you did it- preferably over a nice lunch at the Hilton on your bill.

 Love,

Ectsasy vs. True Love/ Crazy Stupid Love

The beauty of lifetime love: watch UP!

 I am not sure how many blog writers have ever used the tittle "crazy stupid love" but excuse me for my lack of originality because it's the only phrase that effectively describes the light bulb that just went off in my head. Maybe you read my last blog post but most likely you didn't. So to give you a short summary, a la (similar to) every romantic comedy/tragedy out there, I met a guy who was everything I ever wanted (funny, kind, charming, tall, warm) wrapped up in a layer everything I never wanted (smoker, alcoholic, pothead, a LEO(prideful)). And to give a brief course of events: when I met him, I ran away from the guy I was currently with and into his arms. But then when his second layer revealed itself, I ran even faster...before he could finish uttering the word "Baabbbbyyy". Everything was alright with that until I stopped running and wondered why I ran. Several drinks and lonely nights later,  I discovered that fear was the reason. Fear that I was getting too attached to someone I knew that I could and did not want a future with. And fear that perhaps I would delude myself into thinking that he was the love of my life because of the  supercaligragistilic feelings of pleasure that I'd never gotten from being with anyone else but him. 

  So for a love that was so short lived, I suffered months of great heartache thinking that I had let go of my only chance at true love (false) and had hurt him more than any other guy I've ever ran out on (true). But I think everything good or bad comes to an end and I realized that I had grieved long enough about the tragedy that had occurred. During the course of my grieving, I had reached out to my so called true love and apologized but it was a little too late since I had waited to do so until I was thousands of miles away, back in my home country. There was not going to be a lovers reunion or a "catch up" coffee date and I got tired of obsessing over his facebook wondering whether he had moved on (while stalking the flocks of women throwing themselves at him). And through this I realized, I had moved on and my guilt was over. Shit happens. Love and life is complicated. We don't always get it right but our mistakes are opportunities to learn from. 

What I've learned from this is that love is something we can actually control. You determine who you fall in love with and why. Never overlook the harsh negative qualities of the other person in the name of love because that will only lead you to heartbreak. Never jump into anything without knowing what you want from it (love, sex, money). And above all always be honest with yourself and your potential or current mate. Because sure you both might have shared feelings of ecstasy when you first met, kissed, and etc but eventually those feelings are not going to be enough anymore. You need trust, intimacy, support, and perseverance to make love work. And you not only have to find someone who exemplifies these qualities but also be someone who lives according to these standards. Passion should be the cherry on top not the foundation of a relationship unless you want to end up on Jerry Springer or therapy for the rest of your life. And I am not trying to sell you the idea of boring passionless love because I truly believe that if you have a good foundation, passion will blossom right out of it and that's the beauty of love. Watching that flame of passion grow through the years will be fulfilling and who knows it might grow so strong that it will eventually set the world on fire (how romantic: muahahaha). 

It's like that old saying that parents tell you about not playing with fire unless you want to get burned. Instead, of playing with fire...build it! Build it from a strong foundation of resilient firewood (loyalty, trust, intimacy) and it will last a lifetime.

P.S. I am only 20 and single...so heed my love advice with caution but like they say even a fool is right from time to time. 

Please let me know if this advice rings true from your experience with love.

-Much love,

Mercy!

"send me that love" part 2

So i pledged to explain the title on part 1. Well continuing with precedent, it is a Bob Marley song and i thought it best fitted the blog because of my mentality when it comes to love. I think due to past experiences(read "in the beginning") I try to guard my heart from heartbreak. For example, I prefer to enter relationships with people who I know I will enjoy their company, who will treat me right but where it is assured that the relationship will have to end. Like for example, earlier this summer, this guy-Paul- and I were really hitting it off-he enjoyed talking- him more than I. And although I knew this guy wasn't the one, I liked the idea of a relationship with him b/c its future was predicted due to the fact that he would be leaving for college in September. Either way, things didn't work out but history has repeated itself with Martin. What appeals to me about this guy is that he's good boyfriend material and he would be indispensable in senior year with all these senior dances that we have to go to w/t a date. But the main thing is that I know it will end and probably how it will end since he plans to go to Germany for college and me to Boston. So personally, it seems to me (i am the only one finding it funny how i try to be my own psychiatrist) that I like relationships that have a guarantee and that are predictable b/c there is less chance for heartbreak. I don't like to be in a relationship with a guy i truly and fully like where I am imagine him as the one because I would want the relationship to last and if it didn't, I would be heartbroken yet again. I am thinking I will stop this cycle in college because well heartbreak is a part of college and life and sooner or later we must experience it. Also, it would be easier to rebound from a breakup un college than in high school b/c there are eligible guys everywhere in college as opposed to the 15 guys i see everyday for my IB school program out of the 2500 ppl that go to my school. and #2 i don't want the distractions that are accompanied by heartbreak during this year when I have to get my test scores right so that i can get into the colleges i want to go to. However, when I imagine my life some 10 years from now I imagine having a husband that loves me as much as i love him. And so I hope that God "sends me that love" someday maybe not now, if he hasn't already(Martin & others). so next post, i will talk about what happened between me and martin.

"In the Beginning"

So I am new to blogging. It's something that I have always thought of doing and today after reading several blogs, namely- the diary of a kenyan campus girl. I decided it's never too late or too early to start in my case. So to introduce myself, I want to remain somewhat anonymous so I will go by mercy. To explain the name of my blog- "stolen from Africa, brought to America": I took it from the lyrics of Bob Marley's Buffalo soldier. This lyric I feel applies to me in that, my family and I migrated to the U.S. when I was 9 years old and at that age I had no say so whatsoever in the decision. At the time I regretted it and continued to do so even after we moved here-mainly due to the fact that we landed in a barren icy land in the middle of nowhere-carbondale, IL.however, I have come to appreciate the decision over the years. Anyway that's too long a story to get into. So for my first post-"in the beginning"- song title by k'naan whose music i follow-, i will talk about me as a person. I would say that I am not a normal person-but who is- and not very open-hearted person, maybe somewhat self-centered person-again who isn't. So to self-analyze myself and to give you insight to maybe why I am the way I am. At 9 years old my best friend in the whole wide world, my other half, my soul mate... and I were separated. I was 9 and she was 10-i will refer to her as rose , and so she understood what was happening. I thought America is just right over there- as a kamba would say-nio va, I will still see her. But NO! I never saw her until 3 years later and only for 3 days. I talked to her on the phone from time to time but that was rare due to- time difference and school. So basically, the one person I loved most in the world and still love was ripped out of my world-and this is what i would call heartbreak. as a 9 year old, I think I took the heartbreak well-crying myself to sleep every night,hating my mother for bringing me to this wretched place-the norm. Anyway so from that experience I learned don't love and you won't get hurt. so in relationships even with my friends today- I practice apathy where no matter what they do- I am not hurt because I am numb and also becoz the only friendship i honestly value is with my family and rose who i talk to once every blue moon. so that explains my closed heart- per say. so I will get more into this story and more into me next time/week "in the beginning part 2-NO WOMAN, NO CRY.