So i realize i haven't made any new post recently but i have been really busy with managing school and cross country. Also, i haven't been motivated since no one makes any comments but w/e. so alot of interesting drama-filled things have happened to me since the last time i posted, as u can imagine since i am back in school now.
but really today i was inspired to post a blog b/c my best friend is too busy to listen to me vent about what happened today and since someone stole my phone at school, i can't call anyone else.so as i mentioned earlier, i am doing cross country which basically is we kill ourselves running 3 miles at weird locations in rain or shine.our first competition was last week and i was really happy about it since i placed 6th even though this is my first year running seriously in my entire life. However today there was so much more competition that i was only able to place #29 out of like about 100 or more girls. so i am still really happy about this. Anyway so you remember Martin, right? if you don;'t look at the previous post related to "still searching" and "send me that love". so since Martin runs cross country,his school was there. I didn't expect things to be awkward since the "breakup" was pretty much mutual and since he was the one who engaged the "breakup talk". I expected to at least for us to say "hi" and chit chat a little about how school is and w/e. anyway, i saw him a couple times prior to me running and basically i would look away anytime he got close to our tent. But i KNEW he saw me. it was obvious. again at the ceremonial awards after the race, he kept looking at me and i looked at him a couple times. finally, when he was getting his medal for being in top ten for boys, he looked straight at me for a span of like 7 seconds.I wanted to congratulate him but never got the chance and w/e.
so when i got home, i went on facebook and wrote him a message saying "just wanted to congratulate you since its the sportsmanlike thing to do and i never got to do so earlier". so after my long nap i go on to fb and see his reply which is like "thanks, i didn't see you there?how did you do?" And in my head i am like why is this dude pretending that he didn't see me when he purposely made an attempt to look at me when he was receiving a medal. one of the possibilities could be because i was hanging out with michael my friend pretty much the whole time and it seems like martin could be jealous of michael. #1 over the summer at the museum when martin and were both volunteering, he said that he didn't know my friend michael even though they have been in races competing a/g each other for two years.
so this led me to the conclusion that martin definitely has some issues. why would u lie to me that you don't know someone when you do. why would you pretend like you didn't see me when was the one who decided to end things between us. I should be the one doing that if I wasn't over him. But i have been over him since the day he ended things with me so idk what to think about this whole thing.one of my theories is that i broke his heart. i know its weird to think that since he was the one who ended things but I think i had a lot too do with it. for example, since at the end of our first date i blurted "so..this is awkward" (refer to my earlier posts) which is probably not what he wanted to hear but it was awkard i hated the pressure of the whole first-date kiss moment. I didn't know if he was planning to kiss me or not. and i sort of accidentally implied that i didn't want to take things further by saying "i'm really bad at goodbyes" which he might of thought meant forever. anyway, i honestly don't care what happened, there's no excuse for being a hypocrite like that. what difference does it make if you acknowledge the fact that you saw me or that you know my friend.